Welcome to my Heaven and Hell, Found Right Here on Earth.

"There's no other way but UP."  I refuse to lock this in my mind,

but in my case, it's the only thing I have to believe in.

Honor. Excellence. FREEDOM.

These three are promoted by the Philippines' finest, the renowned state university, the University of the Philippines. Not bad, right? But to achieve those three things I've mentioned, every student must pay the price. And that price? No, it doesn't come cheap. It'll cost you much. After all, there exists a saying: "No pain, no gain."

I, for one, already paid the price. I entered UP unprepared, ignorant, and uncaring about what I would be facing for my first semester in college. I thought that I could just attend most classes, cut some, and get away with it. I thought I could wing my long exams, like in high school, where I didn't really study for anything at home, I just depend on "stock knowledge" but still pass every subject. It never occurred to me that when someone says that studying in UP is like experiencing hell and heaven at the same time, they're not kidding about it, not in the slightest.

I abused my freedom. I was an idiot to think that college would be easier than high school because I was independent of the things that locked me up before. In college, there's no need for permissions slips to get out of school before dismissal time, there's no need for my parents' signatures for my homework, in college, I could use my phone during class, play Fruit Ninja or something... Oh, you know, all those sort of things you never got to before.

To be honest, I forgot all about my limitations when I entered UP. There's too much to explore and find out about the outside world, I was too excited about my newly found freedom. And because of that I set aside my education, which was the main reason why I went to college in the first place. I forgot about my responsibilities.

G-17. My first pressure cooker in college.

Every night, I go home, almost without anything inside my head, because I never really listened to what my professors lectured about. I catch a few of what they are teaching, but I never really understood because I was too preoccupied with what was going on outside the four corners of the classroom. I was all about the fun, the getaways. What makes it worse is that I spend too much time over the Internet. I don't study at home, I just cram everything in the mornings of school. But, I still had the guts to complain about my bad grades, which were obviously my fault, and I am aware of it, but I don't do anything about it. I just complain, and hope that it would get better without doing anything... Which is bullshit.

Being in a bloc full of students who were in their high school's honor roll doesn't help either. Whenever I'm in a class with them, I just feel stupid. I feel like I have no business in class except to be jealous of their seemingly endless brain capacities. They're such fast learners that I can't keep up with their pace. Because of that, I just let myself fall back and watch them advance and advance and advance, leaving me behind feeling pressured that I should probably be as great as they are. But, I chose not to because I never really believed that I could. I didn't dare try because I thought it was a hopeless case, which again... Is complete and utter bullshit.

Now, where did these get me? Right. Nowhere.

But, they did result to my first ever grade in UP. Guess what? It's the infamous and dreaded singko. And it  was awarded to me because I performed terribly in my Math 17 class, which was very predictable since I  really sucked at Math ever since who-knows-when, and I could only regret now that I should've done something about it. But... I didn't. What a great and unforgettable first for me. Yay... Not.

If you're wondering about the second grade I received, it was a kwatro in Chem 16. Technically, I didn't fail, but, I didn't pass either. I'm bound to take a removal exam, and I will study my ass off for it, take my calculator to bed for it, and date a book for it. Really, I'm not kidding anymore. I don't want to fail two major subjects. I mean, who wants that? Not me.

Lesson learned. First semester, you were well played. Such a hard obstacle course, with so many mistakes and failures committed along the way. Second semester, ugh, just don't be too hard on me, please. I promised my mom and myself that I would study harder to achieve a good enough General Weighted Average so I could shift already to my dream course, BS Architecture. When it comes to that one course, I won't be shitting anybody anymore. I promise that I won't fuck up a single subject. Because this time around, I'm sure that I want this. I want to be an architect. Not a computer engineer, but an architect.

Hahaha. I should really get my shit straight next semester, or I'm fucked.